By: Karissa Arce
It is essential to build a healthy connection with our child. This helps them feel a certain security and it will also help you get to know them better – they will understand you and you will understand them. When a child feels secure, their confidence also gets boosted. They will communicate better and their perspective taking will also develop. It will be easier for them to transition from one activity to another because they feel safe.
But how do you build your relationship with your child? Here are some ways that might be useful for you:
1. Have a meal together. Have a specific time of the day where you eat together as much as possible. Eating together can create a good bonding time with your child. You can either talk about how your day will be or how your day has been. Food is better when you share it with people you love. So, make good use of mealtime as a way of bonding together.
2. Leave them some encouragement notes. I had a student before that joined the lunch club because he wanted to show everyone his mom’s “I love you notes.” Every day, his mom would put a sticky note with words of affirmation on his lunch box. He was always excited about it and would wear that sticky note on his shirt for everyone to see.
3. Take them out on a date. If you can, go for a date together. Like maybe do some small groceries together, lunch out, watch a movie, visit a new store that they might like, get your favorite ice cream and so on. Let them know that you want to spend time together. Just remember to be at present during those moments and let them know how it made you feel after. Process what happened during your date so you can get their perspective and you can plan better activities together next time.
4. Support them during their hard times. When you see that your child is struggling to express and they are reaching the point where they are getting frustrated, validate and acknowledge their feelings. Show them that you are willing to understand and help them out. Give them space if they need to then get back to them when they are ready.
5. Learn about their interests. I had a parent before that watched the whole series of We Bare Bears just so she can catch up with her child’s interest. (I happen to be a fan of that show and I told the mom that her son and I talk about it every single day.) You don’t have to like what they like, but you can learn about it so you can relate to them.
6. Build a routine together. When I was young, every Sunday morning, I helped my mom make pancakes for our breakfast. That routine lasted until I was 22 years old (I moved out at 23). It became our thing together – mother and daughter bonding time. We talked about anything random while we were making it. It was a fond memory for me.
7. Recognize your child. Acknowledge the good in them that you see. “Thank you for giving me some quiet time earlier when I was having a bad headache.” “I appreciate your effort in cleaning up your room.” Let your child know that you see what they do and that you appreciate them.
Be genuine, be present, and be supportive. Let your child know that they are safe and respected by you. When you spend time with them, give them your undivided attention as much as possible. Enjoy your time together because they will only be young once. So, create as many memories as you can together!