A couple of years ago, I suggested for our school to have a program that aims to help parents to understand their children better. We started having regular parent workshops throughout the school year and it helped strengthen the homeschool relationship. This year, we decided to ask the parents to submit their questions regarding areas they need assistance with. We gathered all the entries and listed down the most common ones. This may or may not be applicable to you, but I’ll share it anyway. You might be able to help another mom in need.
Common questions from parents about their child:
1.“How can I get better answers from my child?”
The question “what did you do in school today?” is the equivalent of “How are you?” in the adult world. Vague questions are hard to answer regardless of the age. Asking a more specific question will help you get better answers. How specific are we talking about? Here are some examples:
“Who did you sit with today during snack time?”
“Do you remember singing any songs in school this morning?”
“Did your best friend go to school today?”
When you ask a more direct question, it is easier for the child to narrow down his recollection. You can start with a question answerable by yes or no and then scaffold from there. Pay attention as well to their answers because it will help you ask your follow up questions sensibly.
2. “How can I help/influence my child to try things?”
Modeling, encouragement and giving them safe space. As much as we want our children to be active and to not be afraid to try new things, we cannot always force them. Modeling helps because when they see a familiar adult do it, it gives them a sense of security. Encouragement helps because it boosts their confidence. Creating a safe space helps because they know that whatever the result, they are safe, respected and valued. Keep in mind that just because you want them to try doesn’t mean they have to. They should be able to do things because they are comfortable, not because they want to make you happy.
3. “How do I deal with tantrums especially when in public places?”
Sometimes, they are not having tantrums. Sometimes they are having a breakdown because they are overstimulated. Either way, you as an adult, in order to effectively deal with situations like this, especially when in public, you have to make sure that you are not going to get carried away. Set boundaries and expectations before any event, give them safe space to express, acknowledge their feelings and regulate yourself to avoid you getting triggered.
4. “Should I feel bad when my child does not share? I don’t want to be judged.”
The concept of sharing is simple – share what you have because you want to, NOT because you have to. When we share because we feel pressured, we are ignoring our needs. No one should be obligated to share, nor should we look at a child that does not like to share as a “bad” child. Sharing is a choice, not an obligation.
The last one was a surprise for us….. We got you parents!
5. “Is it valid to feel upset because my child is hard to manage?”
My dear parents, your feelings are valid. To be frustrated is normal, to feel like you’re not doing enough is normal. Parenting involves a lot of trial and error because what works today might not work tomorrow. Give yourself a break from time to time to gather your sanity. Recognize your efforts and give yourself the validation you need because your efforts matter. Breathe in, breathe out, you are doing an awesome job raising your child.
How about you? What’s your FAQ? Let me know. I’d be glad to share my insights.
