“Ysa, when I pee, my monas hurts.”
“I’m sorry, WHAT?!”
For everyone’s reference, the word “Monas” is a tall monument in Central Jakarta. How is that related to what the child said? Not at all related. But why did that word come up? Simply because it was the name given to his private part.
I had this conversation before with parents regarding using alternative names for their child’s private parts. There is nothing wrong teaching them the anatomically correct names for their private parts. In fact, this is well encouraged. This helps create positive body image, self-confidence development, and it eliminates any stigma or shame related to it. It also helps them understand how each of our body parts are important and that we should take care of them.
“But Ysa, it sounds awkward and rude if my child uses those words.” Most of the time, it’s us adults that have that kind of mindset. It only becomes rude and awkward when we associate other thoughts to it. Children don’t have those ideas. It will only be rude and awkward if you think it is. In reality, those words – penis and vagina, there’s nothing awkward or rude about it. Those are the actual names of those body parts and it’s what we should call them.
Using alternative words will create confusion – that child who called his penis “monas” saw the monument of Monas and said out loud “I have that too!” I had a student who refers to her vagina as a “flower” and she thought her vagina will eventually have petals and will grow stems and butterflies will visit them. I had to explain to her that her vagina will not have petals, nor will it grow any stem. All because her parents decided to use that term to introduce to her that body part. We had to unpack a lot of things because she thought those things would happen and she thought it was normal for people to be part plants.
I understand that we are not used to hearing those words without creating any malice in our head. What we need to realize is that teaching children to be aware of their body parts accordingly does not and should not involve any kind of malice. We don’t only use those terms in the medical or scientific field, that is the actual name for it and therefore should be used. Learning to detach your personal stand might be crucial, but remember, awareness is important.