By: Karissa Arce
From the moment we wake up until we go to bed, our day is filled with decision making – choices! From what we will wear to what we will eat, we always have to choose. What makes it easy for us adults is that we can (usually) anticipate what will happen depending on the choices we make. We are able to prepare ourselves and think of another possible option – we can think ahead. Children on the other hand don’t have that ability yet. Most of the time they rely on us to decide for them. You might think that it’s totally fine since they are still children, and their knowledge is limited but let me give you a different insight on why you might want to reconsider your approach.
Because children are still learning about the world, it is our job as adults to prepare them by teaching them self-help skills. Self-help skills do not only involve changing clothes, packing away, eating independently and other physical tasks they need to accomplish. Decision making is also part of self-help skills. Children need to learn how to decide on what they want to do instead of being told what to do unless the situation calls for it.
In my classroom, whenever I prepare activities related to the topic of the day, I make sure that I prepare several different things to do. They all correspond to the objectives I set, it’s just different ways on how to do it. Why? First, I need to consider the different learning styles, second, some children might not be comfortable doing a certain activity, and third, it’s a good way to see how well they comprehend the concept. Instead of forcing them, I give them options so they can still apply what they have learned. I give them the freedom to choose which one they feel comfortable with and then I let them do the work. Letting them decide gives them ownership and also promotes responsibility taking. Letting children choose gives them a sense of control on their actions and themselves – after all, you can only control what you do, say and think.
If we take that option where we solely decide for the child instead of letting them choose, we are also teaching them not to have boundaries and that their choices don’t matter. Is that something that we want them to bring as they grow up? Definitely not a good practice to carry around.
I know this can be challenging for so many reasons, I too experience this on a daily basis. But one thing I keep in mind – teaching responsibility to children means teaching ME how to be responsible as well. If I make decisions for them ALL the time, they will not learn to be independent, and if they are not independent then I have to do more for them. See the train of thoughts? As an adult I am able to think ahead, children on the other hand will learn to do that with practice hence letting them choose and decide is the starting point.
How do you teach them what to choose? First you give them options, then you explain the possible result for each option. Sometimes, we need to elaborate or give children a clear picture on what will happen depending on what they will choose so they can make better decision making.
“We have 30 minutes of free time; do you want to start working on your story draft now or do you want to do it after playground time? If you do it now, we can work together and share our ideas, if later you will have to work on your own because I will be helping out Lala’s class.”
There are some instances where they make a choice and then not fully commit to it. Should we take charge and make the decision for them to get the task done? What I do is I usually establish clear boundaries and follow through. Teaching them that it’s not only about making decisions but also taking accountability with the choices they make. There are consequences and we need to work through them.
“I noticed that you are not really working on your chosen task, and you are also interrupting your other friends that are busy working. We have agreed that we will finish this project today. If you continue to interrupt your friends instead of working on your project, I might have to ask you to stay for 10 more minutes to finish this. Remember, we only meet once a week.”
Sometimes, there are instances where we do have to decide for them even if they made a decision already. For me, this usually happens when there’s concern for safety or other possible big issue and I am trying to avoid creating chaos. Whenever I have to be the one to decide, even if I know they might not like it, I make sure that I explain to my students why and I also propose alternative solutions to meet them halfway, OR I ask them to suggest what can we do instead to still give them some ownership. It’s a good learning opportunity that sometimes, there are things beyond our control, but we can still make it better even if we did not get what we want.
“I know that we have agreed that today is going to be our selling day and we are all excited. Unfortunately, the assembly hall was not thoroughly cleaned and there are still sharp objects on the floor. We don’t want anyone getting hurt so we decided to not do it today. We can use this time to pretend play and practice how to be a seller or if you want to add more to your store sign, you can also work on it today. What do you think we should do?”
Decision making is important, having someone support you in your decision is a bonus. Giving children the opportunity to practice this skill on a daily basis will help them be more assertive with their choices. As simple as choosing what clothes to wear, what toy to play with or bring when going out, letting them choose what shoes to wear, where to sit, or even how to style their hair, it’s all about giving them the responsibility to decide and ownership of it. Respecting their choices and giving them some supportive feedback when necessary to guide them – knowing when to step back and when to intervene while practicing kindness and compassion. Raising children that are responsible, mindful and with awareness.
