Yesterday, I was invited to a friend’s house for lunch. Haven’t seen her in a long while so we took this opportunity to catch up – her being a mom and me living and working overseas, our chances of meeting in person gets so limited.
She talked about how she has been realizing a lot of things now that she is a mom and asked me how my experience is when it comes to dealing with children. Comparing notes, one thing I realized is that her experience as a mom is as valid as my experience working with children and that the emotions we feel when we are dealing with challenging situations are part of our learning experience and how we deal with them, how it makes us feel is valid and we should not be ashamed of it. Especially when it’s hard for us to deal with, the more we should give ourselves reassurance that what we feel is real and it’s okay to go through it.
I cannot stress this enough – your emotions are valid. If you feel upset, scared, hurt, happy, excited, worried, all the emotions you can feel in different situations, they are all valid. Why? Because you can feel it. It doesn’t matter if other people cannot feel it, it’s YOUR EMOTIONS, you feel it, it’s real. We have to start acknowledging our feelings as it is, instead of convincing ourselves otherwise. Because whenever we invalidate our own selves, we also invalidate other peoples’ feelings. We pass on that action to others and it’s not healthy. Especially when we do that to children – A small human being who is still learning how to survive in their environment.
You’re not petty when you also feel like crying just because your kids don’t want to stop crying, sometimes it is also frustrating, let that out. It is perfectly normal to want to have your alone time so you can feel whole again after a busy day, silence is golden, and it also helps you stay sane. It is normal to have thoughts of your child hating you because you won’t let them jump on the bed, they are just mad at you, but they don’t hate you. You’re not a bad mom for losing your patience from time to time.
Allow yourself to feel the frustration. Address it when you’re calmer and keep in mind that your frustration is not because of the person but the action they made. When you validate your own frustration, when you admit to yourself that a certain action made you feel uncomfortable, you’re teaching yourself to express, to take responsibility and later on, you will learn ways on how to cope up with it in a healthy way.
Us grown-ups feel big emotions too. Some of us are capable of navigating through it while some of us struggle to cope up. I noticed that those who are capable of navigating around big emotions are the ones who openly acknowledge their feelings and are not afraid of being seen as weak for admitting it. They tend to let go of it faster because they have embraced it and processed it. While those who struggle, they usually keep it in and hold it longer than it should which results in them being distracted and sometimes they lash out.
My friend is a mom of two. She is so different now – good different. I learned so much from our catch up and it makes me feel proud that I have friends like her who promote self-awareness. I’ve seen her discipline her children in a respectful way. Firm and clear without shaming or judgment and her children responded the best possible way they can while showing understanding and accountability of their actions.
To all adults out there, a gentle reminder that our feelings are valid. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we should be “strong.” It’s okay for us to express our feelings, that is part of being human. Take responsibility for how you handle your emotions and how you are projecting it. The younger generation learns from us. Let’s teach ourselves to validate our emotions and the people around us. Let’s make self-awareness a normal trait to have.
