By: Karissa Arce
How do you teach your child to be independent?
This is a common question that I get from parents all throughout the school year. I try as much as possible to give parents some tips and ideas that will serve as their guide. Sounds easy but the challenge there is on how to actually implement it. I’m going to tell you right now, this will require a lot and I say A WHOLE LOT of patience from you.
According to the Science of Developmental Psychology there are 3 steps on how you can teach children to be independent: modelling, scaffolding, and giving opportunity.
Let’s discuss them one by one, shall we?
Modelling. Have you heard of the saying “monkey see, monkey do?” Children pick up habits and practices by copying and imitating. And who do they usually copy? The adults around them. Sometimes it could be from a show that they watch, from their sibling or friends – the point is, they copy what they see and that’s how they learn how to do things. Do we want them to copy good practices? Absolutely! How is that going to work? We have to be the one to show it to them. Let’s say you want your child to learn how to use cutleries when eating, what should you do? First you introduce to them the names of the items they will use – spoon and fork. Next, you demonstrate and explain how to use it. Basically, you will have demonstrated this several times for the child to be really familiar with the action. They need to see you using the spoon and fork to observe the movement – that’s how you model. You show how to execute the action that you want them to learn.
Scaffolding. Just like in construction sites, scaffoldings are used as a form of support. How does that translate to teaching children? After you are done modelling and you are now letting them practice and your job as an adult is to guide them. While you are guiding them, keep in mind that an effective way of guiding is by giving suggestions in the form of questions instead of directly telling them how or what to do. Asking questions opens their curiosity and it teaches them to problem solve. Instead of saying “use your spoon to scoop the rice” try saying “Did you notice that when you use your fork, it’s harder to get the rice when you scoop? How about you try using the spoon?” You guide by suggesting and not by demanding or directly telling what to do.
Giving opportunity. This is the part where your patience will be tested at its best. As much as we want our children to do things perfectly the first time, this is far from the reality. And you know what? That is totally OKAY! It is very important for children to be given the opportunity to continuously practice the skills they are learning. Yes, it can be messy, yes, they can take forever to eat but guess what? That is part of the process. Limiting their opportunity to practice will limit their chances of mastering the skill.
The last part is where it gets really tricky for us adults. I have been working with children for more than a decade and I still have moments where I want to rush or control the situation because I cannot wait. I find these moments a good learning opportunity for me and a reminder that if I do everything for my students because I cannot wait, they will not learn how to be independent. Process takes time and should not be rushed. I always tell the parents that practice makes progress and progress shows results.
Does that mean I should just leave them alone? The ultimate answer here is YES – provided that you have set up the environment prior and safety checks are already conducted. If we keep hovering, we will hinder their activity and instead of practicing with confidence, they might develop anxiety because they don’t feel comfortable executing an action they are learning to master.
